Perspective

Friends, as we remember the 7th anniversary of the attacks on September 11th, 2001, it seems to me that we can look at our discussion of difficulties in relationships with a different perspective.

No doubt, the people who perished seven years ago had their own sets of difficult relationships, but I imagine that even those with whom they had the hardest struggles with would want nothing more than the opportunity to talk with or hold on to their old friends, loved ones, and work associates.

As I mentioned in last week's message, the goal in difficult relationships is reconcilliation. It's the same goal God has for us and this world.

Romans 12:14-21 14 ¶ Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly;1 do not claim to be wiser than you are. 17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil, but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all. 18 If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave room for the wrath of God;1 for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord." 20 No, "if your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink; for by doing this you will heap burning coals on their heads." 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

We've got issues

At our services this last weekend, parishioners were invited to share the difficult people and difficult relationships they are dealing with. I received many slips of paper from both Saturday Night Life people and Sunday Morning people. We received responses from adults and teens and even some "tweens". Today I simply share with you the issues that were offered.

As appropriate, I will try to bring in some of the issues that you all are dealing with in your own relationships. Obviously I won't get to all of them. I won't even get to most of them, but below, I offer them up so that you all can help me pray for these situations.



I hope publishing these will help you 1) see that you are not alone in dealing with your difficult issues and 2) that you might have experience or wisdom to share.
Therefore, I invite you to share in our comments a piece of scripture, or a prayer, or wisdom that pertains to any of these situations that strike your heart.
I am writing these down as received, with some editing for clarification. I have edited or exempted those that I felt would be too transparent for someone to guess the author.

DIFFICULT PEOPLE / DIFFICULT RELATIONSHIPS:

• Dealing with difficult family members of my patients at the hospital
• Despite my previous work and experience, I am often judged lazy by people who because of my choice to stay home to care for family.
• Dealing with an awful person who is partner's ex-husband.
• Being in the middle between two people who are arguing, and who both think they are right. Neither one wants to hear a word I say.
• I love my youngest sister buty cannot get along with, or understand, her husband. This makes the relationship with my sister challenging and sometimes strained.
• Difficult co-workers sniping at each other and trying to triangulate me into their spots.
• My business parter has such an ego that they are not willing to share and do not listen.
• A girl friend seems to be closer to me thatn I am to her. It smothers me. I ignore her then talk to her.
• I have problems with my brother. I email him, talk to him in person, try to reason, and ultimately love him regardless. I also talk to him with my husband.
• Dealing with co-workers who consistently gossip and challenge the truths of my faith.
• An elderly parent who refuses to acknowledge physical limitation and endagers the lives of others by continuing to rive when she shouldn't Have done a family intervention, listed arguments, but she breaks all the promises.
• [At work, dealing with] abrasive, demeaning actions towards other staff members, probably as a result of a high level of recent stress at home.
• Problems with a yong adult who doesn't make responsible decisions.
• How do I deal with anger (frustration) at myself, not being able to live up to my expectations of myself?
• The indecision and delay by a client manager is causing us staff losses.
• Dealing with difficult and rude children (5-7 years old) in the neighborhood. They are rude to adults adn inconsiderate with house rules.
• Trouble dealing w/power hungry "bullies"!
• A daughter in law that can't or refuses to accept her husband's sister's personality and the fact that she wronged her husband's sister years ago.
• An elderly parent who is declining in abilities but refuses to acknowledge this or accept help.
• My husband neglected to pay important bills while I was hospitalized, now he expects me to fix it all.
• My sister always has a bad attitude toward people.
• [Frustrated when I think] an issue is resolved but behavior continues the same with no change.
• Coworkers: very vocal, very different people, trying to fit in and work together.
• My mom says that I can be rude sometimes when she is mean too. My sister is really mean to me ... She makes me soooo MAD!
• I used to be great friends with this boy, but now that i'm older, I realize that he is a trouble maker. I've been having to deal with him in school classes.
• People who are disrectful when diagreeing.
• I have years of resentment toward a neighbor who doesn't appreciate the fact that their kids spend hours in our yard. They also show no compassion for our child. No reciprocity. I did finally confront the dad. Not sure what happens next...
• Communication breakdown causing things not gettin done and arguments
• The public having no patience or understanding. The public acting very demanding.
• People not listening to your side.

These are all real issues and difficult things to deal with. As we explore these and others, the one verse that pops into my mind is this: "Seek first the kingdom of God, and all these things [the other things we need] will be given to you."

If you and I concentrate on pleasing God, and furthering God's kingdom above our own little kingdoms, everything else will be put in perspective.

Dealing with Difficult Relationships

For these next three weeks at St. Gabriel's our sermon series will be "Dealing with Difficult People"

Sept. 6/7 - How to fight fair


Sept 13/14 - Forgive, but don't be a doormat


Sept 20/21 - Getting over who deserves what

Our Lectionary lessons from Romans and the Gospel of Matthew over the next few weeks give us windows into God's wisdom on how we can negotiate difficulties in our relationships.

To make this series more valuable to you, I invite you to share, anonymously, the difficult interpersonal relationships you are dealing with, and where especially you are seeking God's guidance. I'll try to deal with some of these in our sermons and on this blog, pointing us to God's word and sharing some of the wisdom God has given those who practice in this field. We obviously won't be able to "solve" everyone's issues, but at the least, you will find that you are not alone, and perhaps, as we seek to be guided by the Holy Spirit, we can each move more fully into "loving each other as Christ has loved us."

Give me your issues on the slips during worship, via email to pastor@saintgabriels.net, or here on this blog.

Confession

All right. It's time for a confession. You've probably already guessed it...

I'm a bad blogger.

Blogging is all about regular, up to date musings, observations, inspirations, even rants.
Note the "regular" part.

I'm not a big blog reader either, and I'm still trying to figure out the RSS thing.

It's all about time. Lack thereof. I've been feeling very pressed for time lately. Even my days off are packed to the gills with stuff to do and catch up on. Like that basket of unmatched socks. Or those chairs I've been meaning to sand and stain for the last 15 months. Or those books that have been gahering dust by my bedside.

Can I really be that pressed for time? Really? Since May?! (note date of last entry) Maybe there's an problem here. It can't be good for one's health to be pressed for time for over five months.

Whether I decide to keep a blog is beside the point. Busyness, hurry, clutteredness, procrastination, overwork, multitasking fragmentation... these are not good for the spiritual life. In fact, they are deadly to it.

I know this. I preach about this. But I'm guilty of all of these things myself. It's easy to blame our culture. Our culture encourages hurry. But I can blame no one but me.

"Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin." Well, I spin. Somtimes out of control. Maybe you feel the same.

How 'bout we stop?
Say "no" to things that aren't important.
Say "yes" to things that give life to us and others.

The world won't stop turning if you and I take time... Time for real prayer and real thoughts and real listening... time for deep conversations and deep sleep.

Two more weeks and we begin Advent, which is a great time to "unpress" and to savor each day. Slowing down runs counter to our culture of hurrying to count the days down to Christmas.
I'm thinking that I may start the slowing of Advent now.

I'm not sure where keeping a blog fits in all this. I do know that a funny thing happens when I take time to write. I slow down. I get more centered. I listen more to myself and the Holy Spirit in me. I write things that surprise me. (I didn't know where this was going here when I sat down at the computer tonight. I thought I'd be talking about the whole blogging culture. Who knew?)

So, I won't promise when the next entry to this blog will be posted. But I will work to "unpress" my time, and try to savor life more fully.
Until then, some books by my bed are calling my name.

10 Reasons Why I love Being Episcopalian

Having spent a large portion of the day at the National Cathedral for the glorious celebration of the consecration of The Rt. Rev. Shannon Johnston, our new Bishop Coadjutor, I just wanted to share a few of my thoughts on why I love our Church.

(These are not all the reasons, or necessarily the most important reasons, or in any kind of order... but here we go.)

1. Women can be priests. Presiding Bishops even. When I was a kid, it wasn't true. Of course, when I was a kid, I had no idea I was ever going to be a priest!

2. It's a family! Being part of a larger communion means there is always someone else. There's nothing like being one priest in one baby congregation, but showing up for an event like this and knowing and greeting literally hundreds of other priests and lay people from around the diocese. Old friends from churches I've worshipped in. People I know from committees and commissions. The love is thick. They are as excited about our ministry as I am about what God is doing in their places.

3. Amazing processions (This was only about 1/4 of the total procession into the cathedral.

4. The Cathedral. It's the National Cathedral. A house of Prayer for all People. But it is ours - Episcopal. I'd like to think our churches are all that way. Houses of prayer for all people. Places to meet God no matter who you are.

5. Cool hats (That's my husband Chris in a biretta)

6. Great music in all different styles. St. Gabriel's style is a lot different than most of the music we heard at the cathedral today, but I love the richness.

7. Variety and Unity. People who can have different ideas on various theological and social issues all praying and singing and taking communion together. I'm made richer my friends and colleagues to the right and left of where I stand.

and of course

8. The Father (God Almighty)

9. The Son (Jesus Christ our Lord)

10. and The Holy Spirit (The Lord, the Giver of Life)

Without this Trinity all our pomp, processions, and presiding bishops wouldn't make a hoot of difference. But it is because each of us has found life and purpose by aligning ourselves with God's purposes to reconcile the world to himself, that we enjoy sharing our joy by bringing out our best for God.

Lessons from a Cactus

Early in May, I was out in Phoenix teaching at the Episcopal Church's Start Up! Start Over! congregational development seminar, and I had some free time to go hiking in the desert.

The saguaro cacti were fascinating (Those are the kind that can look like cowboys with their hands up)... They grow so tall! I learned that they can live to be over 200 years old and don't even begin to grow branches until they are over 50 year old!

While my friend Lydia and I were hiking I noticed how several of the saguaro had been damaged. Arms were broken off. Flesh was scarred. Sometimes they'd been hurt by forces of nature; a few had probably been harmed by vandals. For the most part, however, the cacti were still alive, just bearing scars.

One particular cactus really caught my eye. Two of its arms were broken, but not completely broken off. Then over the years, the arms had curled back up toward the sun, obviously still receiving nutrients and water. When I saw it, it was even beginning to flower. (Hard to see with the image I got with my camera phone)

Of course, to me, this just seemed to be another sign of God's redemptive power. You and I are often broken. The winds and storms of life tear us down. Sometimes others hurt us as well. But as long as we can stay connect to the "whole", we can still receive the water of new life, and continue to bear fruit.

For Christians, that "whole" is Jesus. As Jesus said, "I am the vine and you are the branches. Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit, because apart from me, you can do nothing. (John 15:5) When we stay connected to Christ, and in the body of Christ, even when we are scarred and beat up, God can help us grow again, and even blossom beautifully.

Alleluia! Christ is Risen!

We had a glorious Easter celebration at St. Gabriel's last Sunday

As per our tradition, (hey, can a four-year old church have "tradition?!?") we celebrated with an Easter Egg Hunt for the kids, and a pot-luck brunch. Gracing the food table at the brunch was a vase full of daffodils from St. Gabriel's land, picked by vestry member Cindy Jones. As she handed them to me after as we were packing up she said, "And there are many more there... all different kinds."

Many of you may remember that last fall we went out to our land and, with the help of the G-Men, used the stones from the land to design a cross. Then we planted assorted daffodil bulbs around the the perimeter of the cross. Later, some of the G-men mulched the area to protect the newly planted bulbs.

[Scenes from the October cross-making. Above: team at work. Right: finished cross]

I couldn't wait to get out to the land and see for myself how things were looking. The trees were still pretty bare and the ground was covered with dead leafs from the previous fall. Rising from the brown surroundings were a cheerful gathering of daffodils inviting me closer.

It was beautiful. As I took pictures (with my phone) and prayed on our land, a few "God thoughts" came to mind I'd like to share.

First, Planting bulbs is like a lot of what we do in our faith. You can't see from the outside of the bulb what it's going to look like. We can't see today what life will hold for tomorrow.

You just have to take what you've got, and give it to God, and trust, that in God's time, he will make it bloom.

Second, the daffodils were all different types - some white, some yellow, some single blooms, some multiple blooms, some frilly, some "classic."

We are all different as well, but when we are gathered around the cross, or gathered together to "grace" another venue, our diversity shows God's beauty.

Another thing I noticed was that all over the ground, in what seemed to me at first to be mostly dead leaves, were delicate little white flowers coming up everywhere. To me this signaled another truth of life with God. Yes, God takes what we give him, and he blesses it and gives it back to us.

But God also just gives us abundant blessings without us even asking for them. We didn't plant those little flowers, God did. God's work and our work, side by side, are beautiful.

As you observe the new life springing forth in creation this spring, may you experience new life in Jesus spring forth in your soul.

Alleluia! Christ is Risen!

The Lord is Risen Indeed! Alleluia!